A Golden State Of Being: No Set Of Adjectives Can Fully Describe Stephen Curry

Words are great things. We used them to tell stories, describe events or people, and everything else under the sun. It helps us and others to understand and appreciate the events which unfold around us. However, there are times when the proper words are not yet in existence to correctly describe specific things.

This is the Steph Curry issue at hand.

He currently resides within a realm where all adjectives used to talk about him do not do him justice. We try, mind you, to gently offer these words on various social media devices and writing platforms, yet they all fall short. So short, in fact, that we embarrass ourselves by even trying.

There are no solutions for this problem. We can attempt to just enact rules like, always have the word “very” before all positive adjectives used to describe Steph Curry, although we would still fall way short of doing his play any justice.

Even when we create hashtags on Twitter, the words we cram together only serve to underscore the extent of the gap between our limited linguistic capabilities and the proper, complete description Curry’s game truly deserves.

Maybe that is the point, though. It could be a simple fact: People who create words were not put on this planet to help describe someone as extraterrestrial as Curry. It is possible that the vines, GIFs, and highlights are the only things available to the human species that can help anyone understand what we are trying to get each other to appreciate.

Who knows? Not me. Certainly not the people who are constantly trying to string together words, to form sentences, in modest attempts to explain what “a Steph Curry” is. Yes, that is not a typo. Curry is so special, specifically from the standpoint of an entertainment consumer, that he is no longer to be mentioned as an individual, but more so as a property or object: A Steph Curry, not simply Steph Curry, “might” be one of the first steps needed to be taken.

Even then, though, just acknowledging that his presence might be otherworldly or that he is an actual inanimate object — less of a physical being — sent from the stars to devour our world by shooting the most magnificent jump shots ever witnessed with organic eyes, simply seems like a less clever attempt to justify his mere presence on the hardwood.

There may come a time when the adjectives are invented to correctly talk about Curry’s game. It make take some revolutionary writer to do so — possibly someone from the world of fiction, like Stephen King, who regularly uses his creative genius to help us understand worlds that do not exist. Maybe he can help highlight Curry in a way we have yet to accomplish.

Theoretically, there is a prepubescent youngster out there, watching all these Steph Curry games and realizing that our species hasn’t been able to truly grasp what we are experiencing. In a honest attempt to do so, he decides to make it his life’s mission to write words to encapsulate a Steph Curry. As he continues his journey, he experiments with drugs, fine liquor, odd combinations of food, and reading all types of the world’s most obscure poetry, just so one day he can figure out how to accurately line up consonants and vowels to create a word which will one day have a definition fair enough to be attached to a Steph Curry.

As of today, April 26 — some 2015 years after the death of the world’s most famous carpenter — we have failed not just Steph Curry, but each other.

I don’t know what he is. Whether I am to think he is the greatest shooter in the history of our world, or if he is going to inevitably become one of the best players in the game Dr. James Naismith once invented, I don’t know. I never envisioned this sport could be played with such brilliance, but I do know that Steph Curry has become the most pleasurable experience my eyeballs can consume in professional basketball, perhaps the larger global theater of all sports.

America… no, the world, I challenge you. I challenge each and every one of you to muster up the courage to do what only video packages have been able to do up until this point. In one of the most pivotal timelines our society will ever know, come up with the proper adjectives, phrases, definitions, and words to do describe whatever the heck it is Steph Curry is actually doing, and make it so future generations can understand the impact of it all just in case all video is lost.

This is the most important task ever assigned to you in your life. No pressure or anything.

About Joseph Nardone

Joseph has covered college basketball both (barely) professionally and otherwise for over five years. A Column of Enchantment for Rush The Court on Thursdays and other basketball stuff for The Student Section on other days.

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